Fix various typos

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2025-10-21 19:32:46 +02:00
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@@ -33,7 +33,7 @@ The answer is... _drumroll_
### April ### April
Mood swings and consistent lack of motivation to do anything productive apart from uni assignments. Seemingly overnight, I would frequently find myself just collapsing on my bed shortly after coming back home, often accompanied by strong headaches. I wasn't struggling academically, the workload wasn't overhwelming, but I just felt so fucking done with all that bullshit. Mood swings and consistent lack of motivation to do anything productive apart from uni assignments. Seemingly overnight, I would frequently find myself just collapsing on my bed shortly after coming back home, often accompanied by strong headaches. I wasn't struggling academically, the workload wasn't overwhelming, but I just felt so fucking done with all that bullshit.
{{ admonition(type="note", text="While I generally refrain from cursing in blog posts, the last sentence seems fitting as an illustration of my overall mood at that point in time.") }} {{ admonition(type="note", text="While I generally refrain from cursing in blog posts, the last sentence seems fitting as an illustration of my overall mood at that point in time.") }}
@@ -75,11 +75,11 @@ The swing continues to move up and down, but increasingly more violently.
#### Test, test, test #### Test, test, test
Another recommendation from the doctor was doing a blood test, because my diet had been _very_ restrictive since... well, my very early childhood. To this day, it consists exclusively of processed food, because I can't stand the appearance and smell of pretty much all the _normal_ dishes out there. Despite that, I'm actually a little underweight, because my apetite is quite low most of the time. Another recommendation from the doctor was doing a blood test, because my diet had been _very_ restrictive since... well, my very early childhood. To this day, it consists exclusively of processed food, because I can't stand the appearance and smell of pretty much all the _normal_ dishes out there. Despite that, I'm actually a little underweight, because my appetite is quite low most of the time.
But anyway, the results indicated plenty of vitamin deficiencies. Shocking, I know. But anyway, the results indicated plenty of vitamin deficiencies. Shocking, I know.
I also took some autism screening tests to further validate my suspicions and potentially bring up the results to the doctor doing my proper diagnosis. Here's a list of the assesments I completed, along with my scores. By the way, shout-out to [Embrace Autism](https://embrace-autism.com) for the amazing breakdowns of these tests and automated scoring tools. I also took some autism screening tests to further validate my suspicions and potentially bring up the results to the doctor doing my proper diagnosis. Here's a list of the assessments I completed, along with my scores. By the way, shout-out to [Embrace Autism](https://embrace-autism.com) for the amazing breakdowns of these tests and automated scoring tools.
- [**Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ)**](https://embrace-autism.com/autism-spectrum-quotient) - [**Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ)**](https://embrace-autism.com/autism-spectrum-quotient)
- Score: 45 - Score: 45
@@ -102,7 +102,7 @@ Every single score indicated a great likelihood of me being on the spectrum, whi
#### A new low #### A new low
Unfortunately, I started having those internal visions (not hallucinations) of me throwing myself off a bridge into the Vistula river. I would also experience heightened anxiety in public places, unusually low apetite, difficulties falling asleep, as well as a general sense of being a waste of space. I stopped tinkering with my homelab, I left pretty much every Discord I was active in, I deleted some social media accounts... I was gradually withdrawing from life. Unfortunately, I started having those internal visions (not hallucinations) of me throwing myself off a bridge into the Vistula river. I would also experience heightened anxiety in public places, unusually low appetite, difficulties falling asleep, as well as a general sense of being a waste of space. I stopped tinkering with my homelab, I left pretty much every Discord I was active in, I deleted some social media accounts... I was gradually withdrawing from life.
At that point I hadn't made any concrete arrangements or resorted to self-harm. I'm quite anxious when handling needles or sharp blades, and while we're not talking outright fear of these objects, I'm definitely afraid of accidentally cutting myself, let alone doing that deliberately. At that point I hadn't made any concrete arrangements or resorted to self-harm. I'm quite anxious when handling needles or sharp blades, and while we're not talking outright fear of these objects, I'm definitely afraid of accidentally cutting myself, let alone doing that deliberately.
@@ -110,7 +110,7 @@ Anyhow, this was no longer burnout. This was depression.
#### The second best time is now #### The second best time is now
In May, I foolishly declined getting prescription meds, still trying to believe it was all just a temporary low. But this time around I had no choice, but to start taking antidepressants. I also got some antianxiety pills, sleeping pills, and vitamin suppliments. Of course, they wouldn't start working overnight, and I was still feeling directionless with regards to my future. In May, I foolishly declined getting prescription meds, still trying to believe it was all just a temporary low. But this time around I had no choice, but to start taking antidepressants. I also got some antianxiety pills, sleeping pills, and vitamin supplements. Of course, they wouldn't start working overnight, and I was still feeling directionless with regards to my future.
It was a step forward, though. It was a step forward, though.
@@ -163,7 +163,7 @@ The strangest thing about these arrangements, is that there was no single major
The 17th of July 2025 marked the 10th anniversary of [Jules Bianchi](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jules_Bianchi)'s death, as well as the 30th anniversary of [Juan Manuel Fangio](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juan_Manuel_Fangio)'s death. If that's not unfortunate enough, this date comes [13](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/13_(number)#Bad) days after the 4th of July. The 17th of July 2025 marked the 10th anniversary of [Jules Bianchi](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jules_Bianchi)'s death, as well as the 30th anniversary of [Juan Manuel Fangio](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juan_Manuel_Fangio)'s death. If that's not unfortunate enough, this date comes [13](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/13_(number)#Bad) days after the 4th of July.
{% end %} {% end %}
Anyway, I set the date to the 1st of October 2025. Before heading out to the Warsaw Central train station, I wanted to send personalised goodbye videos to 10 of my closest friends from various circles between 7 AM and 10 AM depending on when I'd wake up. These videos would feature me explaining why they earned the questionble honour and why I was peacing out for good, and obviously thanking them for everything. Anyway, I set the date to the 1st of October 2025. Before heading out to the Warsaw Central train station, I wanted to send personalised goodbye videos to 10 of my closest friends from various circles between 7 AM and 10 AM depending on when I'd wake up. These videos would feature me explaining why they earned the questionable honour and why I was peacing out for good, and obviously thanking them for everything.
What would follow is a walk from my flat to platform no. 3 or 4 of the train station. From there on, it would be a matter of waiting for the first train that would just so happen to be passing by, before I'd dash to the tracks and jump. Thankfully, this is as fleshed-out as these plans ever got. What would follow is a walk from my flat to platform no. 3 or 4 of the train station. From there on, it would be a matter of waiting for the first train that would just so happen to be passing by, before I'd dash to the tracks and jump. Thankfully, this is as fleshed-out as these plans ever got.
@@ -195,7 +195,7 @@ My request to switch modes got accepted by the dean, so I'm really looking forwa
## Q4 2025 and beyond - expressing myself more ## Q4 2025 and beyond - expressing myself more
I hope to allocate more time towards working on my personal projects and this blog. The former will see a mix of me experimenting more with Python and the dataviz side of things, as well as revisiting some of my already released apps that I believe deserve more love. I hope to allocate more time towards working on my personal projects and this blog. The former will see a mix of me experimenting more with Python and the datavis side of things, as well as revisiting some of my already released apps that I believe deserve more love.
The latter will see an introduction of a monthly series that's going to run at least until January 2026: mood report with both a statistical and IRL summary of the last 4 weeks. I'll also include a technical writeup on the mood spreadsheet itself, because it got me to write some rather interesting formulas as a fun little challenge. The latter will see an introduction of a monthly series that's going to run at least until January 2026: mood report with both a statistical and IRL summary of the last 4 weeks. I'll also include a technical writeup on the mood spreadsheet itself, because it got me to write some rather interesting formulas as a fun little challenge.